Surrogate Moms Deserve Nod

Published: May 4, 2007

Surrogate mothers and godmothers deserve our appreciation on Mother's Day, along with our natural mothers. It costs only a little time and honesty to tell someone, "I love you, and I appreciate what you have done for me."

You don't have to say it in words, either; spending time can mean a lot.

The surrogate mother is an advocate for a child in the absence of a parent or together with the parents. They provide moral, emotional, financial support and more. They pledge to be there for a child.

The godmother or surrogate mother functioned as one of the master links in the black family structure prior to the creation of social service programs. Those women found a way to get the job done. They assisted young mothers through the perils and pitfalls on the journey to womanhood.

I know the value of surrogate mothers, who have played important roles throughout my life. I feel like I am the luckiest man in the world because of some of these surrogate mothers. I would like to share some of them with you.

Members Of The 'Village'

My mother's dear friend, Mary Alice Rofile, has always been there for me. "Ma Mary," as we affectionately call her, is so close to our family that I did not realize there was no blood relationship until I was a teenager. She was good to all of us. She never had children of her own. My children and I regularly visit Ma Mary at the assisted living facility in Brooksville. Our visits are short.

Her sister, Lizzy "Ma Ponk" Moore, who lives in the same center, is a little tougher on us. She makes us sit and talk a while. I have no doubts about her love for me and my family. Sometimes I think she loves my wife more than she loves me. I get a little jealous.

Stopping by to visit is the least I can do. They did a lot more for me. They helped raise me, as they've told me more than once. That's the "village" blacks talk so much about. Other children from the village addressed them as "Ma," out of respect for the roles they played in our lives and in the community.

'Life Is Short'

Cora Williams from Spring Hill walked into my life when I was operating Blanche Cambric Academy, an enrichment program in the Brooksville Housing Authority's Hillside Estate community in the 1980s. She is frank and to the point. One piece of advice she offered me was, "Take time for yourself. Life is short." She was concerned that I was putting too much time in at the academy. It was good advice. I did not ask for it, but she gave it to me anyway. On another occasion, during a dedication ceremony I facilitated, she admonished me to introduce my wife - an oversight on my part. She blasted me. My wife said, "Right on, sister!"

Cora is a friend. Even now, though, she strikes fear in me.

Support Means A Lot

My mother-in-law, Martha Lewis, is another person I don't doubt loves me. We have shared many private conversations. She is not the type that seeks attention, but when she wants you to know how she feels about something, you don't have to worry. She will let you know. I remember her endorsing the journey my brother-in-law, Paul Colbert, and I made to the Million Man March. It was good to have the support of a loved one. The trip turned out to be exciting, rewarding and the experience of a lifetime. Her support meant a lot to me, and it still does. She even put a few dollars in each of our hands. The Million Man March inspires me to this day.

A Trusted Friend

I met Helen Fleming through the Hernando County Extension Service in the '80s. She was the home economist then, and I was with Blanche Cambric Academy. Helen and I became quick and trusted friends. Considering the majority of the academy's students were girls, Helen took advantage of the opportunity to expand her services through the 4-H program. She has an incredible spirit for helping disadvantaged children, and my academy was full of them. Helen taught them life skills such as sewing, money management, cooking and social etiquette. Some of these students work at the assisted living facility where Ma Mary and Ma Ponk live, and I know they take good care of my surrogate mothers.

Protege And Mentor

My late protege and colleague, Felisha "Fe" Barker, was the epitome of the black American godmother. Even though she did not have biological children, she mentored several, not including blood relatives. She was tough. Fe monitored their schoolwork and demanded academic success from first-generation college teenagers. She also bought them tennis shoes and thought of them whenever she came across opportunities that would benefit them.

I gain a tremendous amount of strength from the church mothers in the black church. These are mature women whose job it is to serve as a healing balm in times of bereavement, family instability and generally difficult times. Because of the love of the mothers at Dade City's St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church, I feel as though I will always have a family. They wish the best for me and my family. They don't approve of wrong, but they won't kick when you are down.

Secret Of Success

We all have surrogate mothers. They are a big part of the success of the human family. Mary McLeod Bethune, the founder of Bethune-Cookman College, spoke to humanity when she said, "The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its womanhood."

I will give my surrogate mothers a call on Mother's Day, and my children and I will visit my mother's grave at the Brooksville Cemetery sometime soon. I encourage you to express your appreciation to the godmothers and surrogate mothers in your life.Remember, showing respect and appreciation is the best way to build a better world.

Imani Asukile, a Hernando County native, is a longtime Dade City resident and one of the founders of the African American Heritage Society of East Pasco. Contact him at idasukile@

yahoo.com.